


to love you more

by Schriftstellerexcerpts



Series: words are all i have (to take your heart away) [6]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 03:24:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16297274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schriftstellerexcerpts/pseuds/Schriftstellerexcerpts
Summary: “Do you love me?”“More than I can hold in my heart,” Waverly says. She grabs Nicole’s free hand and places it on her heart.Nicole, despite her tear-stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes, smiles. It’s not a full smile; it’s one where her teeth barely show but it’s there, nonetheless. “Is this mine?” She asks, memorizing the beat of Waverly’s heart; memorizing the way it feels.“Yours,” Waverly confirms, a small smile on her face. “Not Champ’s, not Rosita’s—yours.”“Mine,” Nicole says, liking the way that sounds. Her breathing returns to normal and she somehow feels lighter. No one is after her girl; no one is going to take her girl away from her. She’s standing here, holding Waverly’s heart in her hand, and she feels complete.





	to love you more

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, all! This song was requested by @Louhaught! Enjoy!

**“To Love You More” Celine Dion (1997)**

 

_Take me back into the arms I love_

_need me like you did before_

_touch me once again_

_and remember when_

_there was no one that you wanted more_

 

Nicole doesn’t remember a time when her eyes burned this badly. She’s standing inside of her house, dressed in her pajamas, and staring at her girlfriend. Her girlfriend, who she loves more than anything she ever has before; her girlfriend, who she had been fighting with for what seemed like weeks now; her girlfriend, who had just admitted to doing something that made Nicole feel like her heart has been physically ripped out of her chest.

 

Nicole swallows hard, trying to blink away the tears that keep on forming in her eyes. She looks a mess, she _knows_ she does. Her hair isn’t setting on top of her head right, her sweatpants are crooked, and she doesn’t even have a shirt on—only her sports bra.

 

The words echo in her head. “ _I kissed Rosita_ ,” is being chanted over and over to the point where she can’t hear anything else. She can’t hear Waverly’s unsteady breathing; she can’t hear her heartbeat; she can’t hear the _silence_.

 

And then Waverly is walking towards her, but she’s backing away. She sees Waverly flinch and a look of hurt flashes across her face, but she can’t do anything about it because her heart is _breaking_. She sighs and feels like she’s having a panic attack.

 

“Nicole,” Waverly tries, her voice cracking. Nicole notices the lone tears making its way down her face. “Please, can we talk about this?”

 

Nicole’s chin starts quivering and she feels small. She takes a deep breath and lets it out. “You kissed her?” She asks, but she already knows the answer. Waverly already _told_ her that she kissed Rosita; that was already established, but Nicole can’t move passed that fact.

 

Waverly is quiet for a moment and Nicole feels like she’s suffocating. “Yeah,” Waverly says softly. “I kissed Rosita.”

 

The echoing is back and Nicole thinks she’s going mad. She feels like punching something or screaming until her lungs hurt, but she just _stands_ there. She doesn’t know what to do; she doesn’t know what Waverly wants her to _say_.

 

“It didn’t mean anything,” Waverly tries to assure her. She watches as Waverly wipes her tears away, but it’s no use because more quickly replace them. “It was a mistake.”

 

Nicole looks everywhere except at Waverly. She knows that if she looks at her, she will break. She can’t break right now; not when she feels like she could puke; not when Waverly is crying; not when her heart is _shattered_.

 

“Why?” Is all she says. She can’t say anymore or the tears will take over; her sorrow will take over.

 

“We were fighting,” Waverly starts, gesturing between the two of them, “and I was confused and sad and she was _there_.”

 

Her sadness is replaced with rage. “She was _there_?!” She yells, her vision blurry from the tears she has been holding back. “ _I was there_! Even when we were arguing; even when you didn’t want to see me, I was there!”

 

Waverly is full on crying now, but Nicole is too angry to care. Usually, she’ll wrap Waverly up in her arms and hold her tightly; usually, she’ll kiss the top of Waverly’s head and whisper sweet nothings; usually, she’ll wipe away her tears and tell her she loves her over and over again. This isn’t _usually_ , though. This, this is beyond that; this is _heartbreak_.

 

“I’m sorry,” is all Waverly can muster up. She’s sobbing and sniffling, but Nicole still doesn’t move.

 

“When did it happen?” Nicole asks, not sure if she even wants the answer. Gosh, she wasn’t expecting _this_ when Waverly had texted her and told her she was coming over; told her that they needed to have a night for just the two of them, a make-up night.

 

_don’t go, you know you’ll break my heart_

_she won’t love you like I will_

 

“Last week,” Waverly tells her.

 

Nicole thinks she stops breathing; thinks she’s drowning in this _mess_. “So you’re telling me,” she starts, her voice cracking, “that this happened _last week_?” She watches as Waverly nods her head. “Last week, when I was doing nothing but crying and begging you to talk to me? When I was trying to own up to my mistake, you were out kissing _her_?!”

 

“It wasn’t like that,” Waverly says. “Gosh, Nicole, it wasn’t like I _planned_ to kiss her; it just happened.”

 

Nicole laughs, but there’s no humor in it. It’s a cold laughter, filled with tears and strangled sobs. “That makes me feel so much better,” she says sarcastically. “So, what, do you want to be with her now? Is that why you’re telling me this?”

 

“No,” Waverly replies, shaking her head. Her eyes are red and she’s shaking. “I don’t want her, Nicole; I’ve only ever wanted you.”

 

Nicole lets out a choked sob. “She had you,” she pushes out. “Even if it was just for a second; even if it was _only_ a kiss, she _had_ you. For a moment, you were _hers_.”

 

_I’m the one who’ll stay_

_when she walks away_

_and you know I’ll be standing here still_

 

“I’m not hers,” Waverly assures her. “I’m yours, okay? I’m only yours.”

 

Nicole runs a hand through her short, red hair. She doesn’t even wipe the tears that are falling down her face. “How did we get like this?” She asks. “We used to be so good together.”

 

“We _are_ good together,” Waverly says. “We’ve both made mistakes, but we’re still _us_ , Nicole; we’re still in love. At least I am.”

 

“Don’t,” Nicole replies quickly. “Don’t try and make it seem like I don’t love you,” she adds. “You know that I have never loved anyone the way I love you. That’s _still_ true, even when you’re standing here telling me that you kissed someone else.”

 

“ _I know_ ,” Waverly responds, making an effort to move closer to Nicole. Nicole doesn’t back away this time. Hell, she doesn’t move _at all_. Waverly’s standing inches away from her, wanting to hold her, but Nicole is _frozen_. Silent tears stream down Waverly’s face. “Rosita invited me out for a girls day to a spa—that’s all it was. I figured it would be nice to go considering the week I had been through so I agreed. We were in the hot tub-“

 

“So you were half naked when this happened?” Nicole asks, raising her eyebrows. She’s not sure if she wants to hear anymore; she’s not sure if she _can_ hear anymore. “Did you guys…?” She questions, but instantly regrets it. She knows Waverly wouldn’t do that; knows that Waverly isn’t _like_ that. Her insecurities are taking over now, controlling her whole body; saying things she’s been holding back.

 

Waverly has a confused look on her face before she comes to realization. “What? No,” she says, furrowing her eyebrows. “Nicole, I would _never_ do that to you,” she assures her. “It was a kiss. That’s all it was; that’s all it will ever be.”

 

Nicole sighs. “I can’t lose you, Waverly. I don’t think I could handle that; I think I’d go mad,” she admits. “If she’s what you want, though, I’m not going to beg you to stay.”

 

“Nicole, you’re not listening to me,” Waverly replies, reaching out to touch Nicole, but she stops herself. Her hands fall to her sides and Nicole watches them do so. “I wasn’t in a good place when I kissed her, okay? I was confused and lonely. I know that’s no excuse, but that’s the only explanation I have.”

 

Nicole swallows hard. “Does she want to be with you?”

 

Waverly shakes her head. “No,” she says. “She’s not like that. As soon as it was over, we both agreed that it was a mistake.”

 

_I’ll be waiting for you_

_here inside my heart_

 

Nicole takes in a deep breath and lets it out. There are still tears forming and falling from her eyes, but she doesn’t have the energy to care. She just got done working a double and all she wanted to do was come home and relax with Waverly in her arms. She didn’t want this. Gosh, she never, ever wanted _this_. “I wish we could rewind to three weeks ago when we were happy.”

 

“I’m still happy,” Waverly rushes out. “Nicole, I’ve never _not_ been happy when I’m with you.”

 

Nicole blinks at her. “You refused to talk to me for, like, a week. I thought you _hated_ me.”

 

“I was unhappy with the situation; unhappy with how I handled it,” she explains. “I was distancing myself to figure out what I wanted, but I knew that I wanted you. I’ll _always_ want you, Nicole, and I could _never_ hate you—even if I tried; even if I _wanted_ to.”

 

“So you kissed her to figure out if you still wanted me or not?”

 

“No,” Waverly says wearily. “Baby, I told you that I kissed her because I was confused and she was there.”

 

Nicole wants to walk away and never talk about this again. She just wants to go to sleep and hold Waverly close to her and be _happy_. She can’t do that, though. Not when she’s hurting; not when she knows she’ll see Rosita at their Sunday breakfast in the morning; not when she wants to scream until she can’t breathe. “I’m not sure what to do, Waverly.”

 

Waverly pushes her hair out of her face and sniffles. “I love you,” she says softly, so softly that Nicole thinks she imagined it. “I’m _sure_ of that. These past couple of weeks don’t change that; nothing will change that.”

 

“I feel the same way,” Nicole assures her. She feels herself start to calm down. It’s hardly present but it’s _there_.

 

_I’m the one who wants to love you more_

_you will see I can give you_

_everything you need_

_let me be the one to love you more_

 

Waverly reaches for her and Nicole lets her. Waverly’s hand finds hers and they intertwine like they were made to; like they were designed for doing so. Nicole’s breathing hard, trying to sort her thoughts, while Waverly is holding back more tears. They’re two fools in love; two broken, lovestruck fools.

 

“Can we please forget about the kiss?” Waverly asks. “It meant nothing. I told you because I want us to always be honest with each other, even when it’s hard; even when we don’t _want_ to.”

 

“Do you love me?”

 

“More than I can hold in my heart,” Waverly says. She grabs Nicole’s free hand and places it on her heart.

 

Nicole, despite her tear-stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes, smiles. It’s not a full smile; it’s one where her teeth barely show but it’s there, nonetheless. “Is this mine?” She asks, memorizing the beat of Waverly’s heart; memorizing the way it _feels_.

 

“Yours,” Waverly confirms, a small smile on her face. “Not Champ’s, not Rosita’s—yours.”

 

“Mine,” Nicole says, liking the way that sounds. Her breathing returns to normal and she somehow feels lighter. No one is after her girl; no one is going to take her girl away from her. She’s standing here, holding Waverly’s heart in her hand, and she feels _complete_.

 

_some way all the love that we had can be saved_

_whatever it takes we’ll find a way_

 

“We’re going to be okay, Nicole,” Waverly assures her. “As long as we have each other, we can face anything.”

 

Nicole lets her hands fall to Waverly’s waist. She rubs circles with her thumbs. “I don’t want to be on this journey with anyone else but you.”

 

Waverly leans her head on Nicole’s chest and Nicole’s hand wrap securely around her. She thinks she hears someone tell her she’s home; tell her that this is where she is meant to be. For a moment, as she’s holding Waverly close, nothing else matters. The two weeks of fighting didn’t happen, the kiss with Rosita didn’t happen, this whole crying/screaming match didn’t happen; it’s just the two of them, holding each other and dedicating themselves to one another.

 

“Are we okay?” Waverly asks. It’s muffled against Nicole’s chest, but Nicole hears is clearly.

 

“We’re okay,” Nicole confirms, resting her chin on top of Waverly’s head. “We’re okay,” she repeats, as if she’s willing to say to Waverly as many times as she needs her to.

 

Waverly pulls away to look at Nicole’s face. She cups her cheeks and wipes away the lingering tears. “I’m so sorry,” she whispers. “I don’t want us to fight like this again; I don’t want to live this nightmare again.”

 

Nicole kisses the side of Waverly’s hand. “I’m sorry, too,” she says. She pauses for a moment. “Tell me you love me again.”

 

“I love you,” Waverly tells her. She says it again as the two of them make their way up to Nicole’s bedroom; again as they get ready for bed; again as they kiss each other goodnight; again as Nicole asks to be held, if only just for the night; again as Waverly holds onto her like her life depends on it; again as they both drift off to sleep.

 

_let me be the one to love you more._  

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
